WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

Happiness
Introduction
Happiness.
What is happiness?
Better yet, what is the lack of it? Is lasting happiness achievable?
Is looking happy synonymous with being happy?
Happiness is neither arrogant, proud, flashy, disrespectful nor extravagant. It is easy, calm and content.
Just as it is easy for a hungry person to appreciate having a full tummy, so is it for a sad or once sad person to appreciate happiness and the importance of it.
Without happiness, nothing else in life seems to truly matter. People are caught up in the chains of duty, norms, comparison, and the fears of change and the unknown.
Sadness, misery and depression have a way of manifesting themselves in our lives so much that we get comfortable. These become our comfort zones, waters we know how to navigate, spheres of low expectations and therefore less disappointments. The opposite becomes uncertain and scary.
Sadness and lack are easy to spot. They are early stages. Being so, they are also easier vices to takle. When I was younger, before I had ever made any reasonable amount of money, I had an easier type of sadness and lack. All my misery and problems seemed money based. I didn’t have any but I had lots of hope and faith. All I had to do was make enough money, not really much, enough, and all my sadness, misery and problems would vanish into thin air.
I eventually made the much desired “not really much” money I wanted but did my problems vanish? Actually most of the “money” ones did. I paid and paid for and bought lots of stuff that I neither wanted nor needed in pursuit of happiness but ended up sadder, emptier and with very little hope. I had pegged all my hopes on money and now I knew even that didn’t work.
Money is nice and important. There’s absolutely no doubt about that. A little extra too wouldn’t hurt. All I’m saying is that pegging your hopes of finally finding your much sought for happiness on money is misplaced.
Take a look at the images below
Sadness

Lack

These are the faces of depression

Depression on the other hand is usually concealed under smiles seeming “okay ness.” Tougher to spot and deal with but with the right guidance and determination, easy to tackle too.

Happiness
What exactly is happiness?
Happiness is not a single feeling. That is why it is often mistaken for laughter, joy, status, achievement, wealth, health, flashiness or popularity. Also, that is why is is mostly perceived as a short lived experience. It is a culmination and combination of many things. Amongst all the elements that constitute happiness, there has to be near perfect balance and harmony. Imbalance or excessiveness in one or more of the components would result in a different outcome.
The initial steps to be taken are as follows:-
Self awareness
Self acceptance
Self love
Harmony between mind and heart
Emotional content
Purpose
Uniqueness
Hope
Fulfillment

Self Awareness
It is almost impossible to embark on any journey or endeavor without establishing the point of origin or where you are. The risk here is that you could take a very long trip to end up exactly where you were at the beginning since you were oblivious of it.
The importance of soul searching and self search cannot be overemphasized. It has to be the point from which you start. Who exactly are you and where do you stand? Here one needs to throw ego and pride right out of the window and have a very honest conversation with oneself.
Needless to say, this is the point at which, if done right, one gets to identify whether or not they are happy. The unwritten rule in self improvement and the search for happiness is not attempting to fix what is unbroken.
“If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it”
If at this point one realizes that they are actually happy, the road to take very carefully in respect to the above rule, is that of improvement. Fair limits and and time should be taken into consideration. Too much too soon may cause undesired results. Where possible, taking some time off to be by oneself is recommended. Silence always was a great ingredient in the process of looking inwards.


Time to begin the honest conversation with yourself.


Ask yourself:-
Who am I? Really, who am I?
Where am I?
How do I feel about who I am? Honestly?
How do I feel about where I am? Honestly?
Who would I rather be? Why?
Where would I rather be? Why?
If I became who I want to be, where I want to be, would that really make me happy?
If not, what do I truly need?
If yes, what am I willing to do about it?
How soon can I start? Note, beginning anything is usually the hardest part. The sooner the better.
What realistic and achievable timelines can I put into place?
Once you have successfully been able to deal with the process above, a lot will seem clearer. Note that comparing yourself to others that you may perceive as better, in better positions, seem to have done better for themselves should be done in proper context. Looking happy and being happy are two totally different things.
Extra wealth, positions, status or possessions never made a sad man happy.
So, am I happy?

Self Acceptance
Up to this point, one has come to terms with the following;-
This is who I am
This is where I am
I’m headed towards destination “X”
My direction is route “Y”, am I on the right path?
“W” is how I get there
I need “Q” amount of time


Self acceptance is also a key concept in happiness and in the pursuit of it. Failure to accept who you are to yourself is disastrous. People often cannot deal with this part especially if they try it as the first step.
You have to find out who you truly are then learn to accept it. To yourself. It would otherwise be impossible to accept the “you” that you don’t even know.
Once you have achieved this, it becomes both easier to be accepted by others and by far reduces need to be accepted by others. People are very generous with things they know you can do without. Buying a rich man a cup of tea is much easier than buying the same for a poor person.


This also raises your self esteem. From here one hardly requires validation from others. Case in point is this. A person buys good clothes and a good car. He wears the good clothes that he doesn’t necessarily feel comfortable in. He/ she poses next to the great car, in the good clothes, poses, takes a few photographs and posts them to others.
The psychology behind this is two sided. One may do that to irritate another person or persons. If the targeted audience doesn’t respond as expected, it frustrates the person and in many cases causes exaggerated attempts. The other side of it may be doing it for validation. The car and the clothes are to the owner worth just as much validation value as they get. No response usually registers as a bad response.
Self acceptance frees one from such cravings. Appreciation and acceptance are great, they just cease from becoming the governing determinant of how and why you do things and how you feel about yourself. Accepting oneself also translates into appreciating oneself and thus self love.

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